Her Mercy

FullSizeRender-6When you’re kneeling through the hours,
And you’re doubting your given powers,
And when you’re ready for her mercy,
And you’re worthy,
It will come …

It will come
When you’re broken,
When your heart is finally open,
When you’re down,
Down and troubled,
When you’re lost among the rubble …

Mercy, mercy, coming to you,
Feel her beauty flowing through you
She will unbind you, set the word free.
Mercy, Mercy

                                                                                                                                   – Glen Hansard

Spring arrived.

And with all the welcoming of this season of rebirth, a panic started to rise.

Why is that? I wondered, when all of my breathing and groovy calming practices simply were not working.

And as I wondered what was happening, I drove past Easter Street.

And remembered …

Last Easter marked the end of my before life.

Last Easter, my life changed forever.

The most intense and terrifying journey of my life – and of my children’s lives – began.

I am so raw, so tender that my hands are shaking as I write this.

I had not remembered this anniversary, but my body did.

Easter.

A friend with a similar journey recalled that little children’s book where the mama nut brown hare tells the baby nut brown hare, “I love you to the moon and back,” and says “Forget the moon – I tell them I love them to hell and back.”

And I know precisely what she means.

Because we have seen hell.

This has been a journey to hell.

And I have had to take them by their hands, and lead the way …

***

It was a raw and wild night of emotions.

We were both scared.

She crawled into bed with me.

“Can we listen to Glen Hansard?” she asked, as we snuggled together, each of us wrung out.

I turned out the lights.

When you’re kneeling through the hours,
And you’re doubting your given powers,
And when you’re ready for her mercy,
And you’re worthy,
It will come …

We held hands under the covers.

It will come
When you’re broken,
When your heart is finally open,
When you’re down,
Down and troubled,
When you’re lost among the rubble …

“I love you,” she said.

Mercy, mercy, coming to you,
Feel her beauty flowing through you
She will unbind you, set the word free.
Mercy, Mercy

***

To hell and back.

Now, I am no Christian, but I’m pretty sure that is the subtitle to the story of Easter.

To hell and back.

We have gone to hell.

And now it’s time for me to lead you back …

Because to hell and back just barely describes how much I love you.

To hell and back just barely describes where I will go for you.

Take my hand.

I’ll lead the way.

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